Written by Giselle
The empathy gap is a researched bias that when we aren’t currently experiencing a situation (even if we just experienced it 10 minutes ago!), we dramatically underestimate how much it would affect us. Use these tips to mind the gap and practice more helpful empathy.
Remind yourself of the gap
Remember that it’s hard to really understand what someone is going through. To tap into your empathy, try reminding yourself of things you’ve struggled with in the past.
You will likely underestimate
We usually underestimate what someone is going through. Resist labelling people as a complainer or resister and take time to truly understand their perspective.
Validate first, reframe second
We prefer to receive and provide comfort by validating the other person’s feelings, but this isn’t actually as helpful in the long-run. A solution is to provide both types of support:
1) Validate someone’s feelings by listening and expressing understanding.
2) Next, help reframe the situation by considering the silver lining or shifting the way someone understands the problem.
Be accurate and facilitate, don’t dictate
Support is most helpful when it provides both truth and control. Avoid giving directive guidance that can infer you think someone’s incapable of managing on their own. Instead, provide candor that helps the other person to see the situation more clearly and then aim to facilitate the other person’s choices, rather than dictating what to do. This can include open-ended questions about their possibilities for improving things.
Written by Giselle
