I spend a lot of time sharing leadership concepts with individuals across various industries and levels. Each time I discuss a topic with an individual or group, we notice that leadership skills can also be used to improve relationships outside of work.
Here are three examples.
EMPATHY
You may have been told that work and home life should not intersect in the past.
That there is no place for your personal feelings and emotions in the office. We now know that you cannot separate yourself so easily. Nor should you.
The pandemic and long-overdue focus on DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging) have shined a light on the importance of being your true self…no matter where you are.
As a leader, showing empathy means checking in with the well-being of others and offering support.
Listening rather than telling.
Asking open-ended questions with curiosity and care.
Why not use these same principles with kids? Or with your partner?
While being empathetic comes more naturally to some than others, it is a skill we can all learn and develop.
Leaders high in Emotional Intelligence (which includes empathy) experience better team performance, higher productivity, increased sales, and greater well-being.
They are likely to have better outcomes in all their relationships, not just those at work.
FEEDBACK
In one of my favorite leadership books, Radical Candor, author Kim Scott uses the term “ruinous empathy” to describe the leadership style that is so concerned with hurting feelings that the leader fails to be direct when providing feedback.
As a result, the message never gets properly delivered.
Alternatively, she defines “radical candor” as the intersection of caring personally and challenging directly.
When you offer feedback to someone at work, it is best to do it in a timely manner. It is important to focus on the deficiencies in the work, making it clear that it is the work, not the person, that is being evaluated.
Can you think back to a time when you offered feedback to someone you cared about outside of work?
How might you apply this same framework of using radical candor?
ACTIVE LISTENING
Active listening is related to both empathy and feedback.
Like me, perhaps you can relate to this Stephen Covey quote “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
When we are busy formulating a response while someone is speaking, we are NOT actively listening.
Active listening means giving your full attention to someone else.
For example, when they are saying something you disagree with, rather than getting defensive or argumentative, you respond with curiosity. “Why do you feel that way?” “Tell me more about that.”
This is especially true if you are receiving feedback. Nobody likes to be criticized.
But, if you can get past the initial sting of not being perfect (I know, it hurts), active listening enables you to hear where there is room to improve and be a better version of yourself.
Is it easy? Definitely not.
Is it worth the time and effort to improve? Most certainly.
When it comes to those you care about outside of work, active listening is a gift.
Whether it’s a friend who needs someone to listen or a family member expressing that you hurt their feelings, active listening shows that you care, that you hear them, and that they matter. This is, of course, true with professional relationships as well.
When in doubt, listen more, say less.
These are only three examples of foundational leadership skills that positively impact work performance and personal relationships.
What other leadership concepts do you find benefit you in your personal and professional life?
