Written by Becca

I came across a post on LinkedIn in the middle of the night when pregnancy insomnia had once again said hello. I was struck afresh with how exhausting and overwhelming working while with child really is. Add to that working full time, trying to prepare for maternity leave, building a house that’s still in the early stages with just a month left to go, and it can quickly begin to look like insanity. So how do you manage to stay sane while carrying the weight of the world while pregnant? How do you balance the scales of exhaustion from carrying what seems like a watermelon with all the work that still needs to be done?

And if you aren’t gestating, how do you support your pregnant coworkers towards the end of their pregnancy when things are seemingly going sideways? Here are some things that I learned in the last month and change of my own first pregnancy and during the first few months with a newborn.

For the Momma:

Ask for help

I can’t lie, this is one of the hardest things for me. I am a yes person; a people pleaser to my own detriment. But when I was pregnant (and even more now that I have a newborn), it became abundantly clear that I had to start asking for help on certain tasks. This meant delegating things that weren’t in my wheelhouse, saying no when I was overwhelmed, and getting a second set of eyes on everything I did that was especially important.
Don’t stop at work though. Make sure you are asking for help at home as well. If someone asked if they could do anything for me, I tried to give them a task: a meal, a run to the store, an errand that I didn’t physically have to complete myself. Learning to ask for help while you’re pregnant will make life immensely easier once the baby has arrived.

Write EVERYTHING down (in multiple places)

I know for me, my brain just wasn’t what it used to be when growing a human (there’s some science behind it as well, so don’t feel bad). You may have been able to remember the order for a table of 10 before you were pregnant, but by the time you get to the third person, you have already forgotten what the first person wanted when you’re pregnant. Don’t be afraid to write things down. And don’t worry about putting a to do list in multiple places, you might forget where you put one of the lists! I personally have a to do list in a physical planner and two places on Slack. I also set reminders on Slack and snooze emails that I want to act on in the future, even if it’s just in 20 minutes. I may still forget some things in the short term, but as I’m going back through all my lists, I realize it and am able to reprioritize things.

Sleep when you can

Insomnia is a real thing when you’re pregnant. It’s not always easy to fall asleep or stay asleep when you’re pregnant, so if you’re feeling tired and you’re able to get away for a quick nap, do it. If you’re working from home, let anyone you work closely with know if you’re going to hop offline for 30 minutes to get a nap in. At the end of the day, you’re giving your best work when you’re well-rested, so it helps everyone on your team.

Let those you work closely with know if you’re having a day

Hormones are all over the place, especially near the end (in my case). You might be more irritable and small things that you normally don’t even notice might now be setting you over the edge. I remember there were days when a completely innocent Slack message asking if something was done or on my radar would set me off. If you wake up feeling snappish, don’t try to pretend everything is OK. The people you work closely with day in and day out will know something is up. Just let them know how you’re feeling and let them know it has nothing to do with them. They will appreciate your honesty and can decide what’s important to tell you that day and what can wait 24 hours.

Breathe

The simplest thing I did? Take a moment to breathe. There are so many apps that you can download for free for meditation and breathing, but if you don’t want another app clogging up your phone screen, you can just stop what you’re doing, take a deep breath in, hold it, then slowly let it out, no fancy app needed. It’s free, it’s easy, and it doesn’t take more than a minute. A small price to pay for a huge release of tension that could be hindering your day. I personally love the Insight Timer app, which I used before, during, and now after being pregnant. It really helps to ground me when I’m feeling frazzled.

For the Partner in Crime (friend, family, coworker):

Ask how they are, genuinely

This goes for anyone, but especially when you’re working with an emotionally overwhelmed pregnant woman. Don’t ask how they’re doing and then dash off. Make sure you have time to listen if she needs to vent about something or if a breakdown happens when you ask. Be present. Give her whatever space she needs because, chances are good, she does need it. My team was exceptionally great at this and checked in almost daily. It really helped for me to feel comfortable to vent if I needed to or to say ‘things are great’ and return the favor by checking in with them.

Don’t take it personally

For your expectant coworker, hormones are raging and she may not always be mindful of them. She’s tired, imbalanced, and anxious (whether excitedly or nervously). I know for a fact I wasn’t always sunshine and roses (and I probably have the Slack messages somewhere to prove it). If she happens to lash out, don’t take it personally. If it’s something that needs to be addressed, stay calm. Does she seem stressed about a project? Does she look overwhelmed? Ask if everything is OK (genuinely). Mention that she normally doesn’t speak to you that way, and you’re concerned. This quick check in can build a stronger relationship and help her take note of any feelings that might be affecting her.

Offer help, if you have room on your own plate

The important thing here is ‘if you have room on your own plate’. Do NOT offer to help if when she gives you a task, you have to say no. It’s not a good feeling to have someone make a fake offer of help when you aren’t pregnant, so when the hormones are screaming, it’s an even worse feeling. It’s likely not easy for her to ask for help if she doesn’t already delegate tasks (even when I’m used to delegating tasks, asking for help is hard), so if you offer help, make sure you can. This can alleviate stress and build more trust. This can also help in the future when you might need help.

If you don’t have time for extra work, writing little notes to help them feel seen or to remind them of different things is also a sweet thing. Remain encouraging and keep the positive vibes high.

Don’t pile on if you can help it

If there are tasks that you notice need to happen, but they aren’t urgent or high priority, keep a log somewhere and wait until she’s back from maternity leave or see if there’s someone else who’s able to help. Also, don’t show her the list. It will only make her anxious thinking about everything she already has lined up when she gets back. And for some of those small menial tasks, you may realize after a couple months that they aren’t actually things that need to happen. When I came back from my maternity leave, I realized there were some things I was doing every day that just weren’t necessary or could be done less often.

Send snacks

So maybe it’s just because I’m a foodie, but snacks always helped when I was having a moment. I could tell my blood sugar was running low when I started getting snappish (I’d also then verify with a finger poke to test my blood sugar). The tough part was that I felt like I had so much I had to get done before I went on leave, that I would forget to eat and work straight through meal times. If you notice that your coworker has been online or at the desk for a long period of time, check in and ask if they’ve eaten. If you know what they normally like to snack on and you’re able to provide it, do it!

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At the end of the day (or pregnancy), while some of these suggestions may seem pretty obvious or basic, they really can make a huge difference in the workplace. For me, I had a team that I felt comfortable with to be able to ask for what I needed and just tell them if I was having a bad day. It wasn’t easy in the beginning. After they threw me a baby shower and everyone told me that if I needed something (anything) to just ask for it, I realized they meant it. It helped remove some of the energy drain I was feeling and allowed me to enjoy the end of my pregnancy (as much as you can when you’re a house) and get things done in a less frantic way. Hopefully these tips can help your team as well when you or someone else is transitioning into parenthood (possibly a second or sixth time!).

Written by Becca