I have the privilege of working with leaders at career inflection points. According to Daniel Pink in When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, most people tend to leave their jobs around 1-year, 2-year and 3-year anniversaries, so those milestones are significant. Yet more than timing, my clients realize they are no longer learning, they aren’t contributing in ways that matter to them or their work doesn’t offer the challenge, autonomy or connection they want.
If you’re aware that your job is no longer right for you, here are my practical tips for making a noble exit. By noble exit, I mean a resignation that honors the professional home you’re leaving, positively demonstrates your character and helps you leave without regret.
1. Set the date to share your news.
Dates create motivation, momentum and freedom from the mental angst that can come from uncertainty. Most people feel better when the end is in sight. When you pick your resignation date, do so with care. Consider your organization’s calendar and the schedules of stakeholders who will be impacted by your news.
2. Finish the work.
Ask yourself what you need to accomplish, set up or complete in order to leave with integrity. Do you want to hire your replacement? Do you need to share best practices with your team? What will you do to minimize transition pains for your clients? Endings matter. In fact, they can color the whole experience. Experiences are remembered as a joint function of their greatest intensity (best or worst moment) and how they end. This is known as the “peak-end rule,” coined by Daniel Kahneman. You owe it to yourself to leave on a high note.
3. Internalize your narrative about the future.
Take time to understand what you are moving toward versus away from. What new opportunity or way of life are you pursuing, and why is that important to you? I suggest writing these in bullet form. For example:
- “I want to work more closely with individuals.”
- “I want to have a more direct impact by working for a smaller company.”
- “I want to pursue a calling.”
- “I want to work at a different pace or from a different place.”
- “I want more stretch assignments.”
Even if you’re leaving because you dislike your leader or the work culture is toxic, write your talking points from the perspective of the future you’re creating. When others understand what you’re moving toward, they are less likely to personalize your exit. And when colleagues don’t feel judged or get defensive, you preserve your connections.
4. Make a list of people to tell.
Prioritize it. Your order of sharing should honor the hierarchy of the organization as well as the degree of impact related to your departure. Where appropriate, ask for permission to own your departure message — with your team, your clients and even your boss’s boss. When you’re the messenger, there’s less room for misinterpretation, and people feel respected when they hear your news directly from you. Another benefit of telling people directly is that you get to express your gratitude to them for who they’ve been to you, what they’ve taught you and what you’ve accomplished together.
5. Be accurate and kind.
Don’t skirt the truth. If you’re leaving to pursue a new job that gives you more learning or advancement opportunities, don’t tell people you’re leaving for medical reasons or to spend more time with your family. Stay true to the narrative about what you’re moving toward. This gives the organization important feedback about their gaps and opportunities for retaining talent.
Leaving a job that is no longer right for you happens by design, not default, and that’s why making a noble exit takes diplomacy and courage. When you consider these five points, you can leave with your character, network and reputation intact.
